How Dexter and Sparrow Ruined Everything
by BoyfriendKisser
Summary: Strap yourselves in for a wild ride. Multichapter Dexrow fic.
1. The Adventure Begins

**How Dexter and Sparrow Ruined Everything**

So there was this prince. And unlike most fairytale princes, like say, his father and brother, this prince wasn't very good at being charming. In fact, he was a bit of a nerd.

And there was also a thief. And despite not being a prince, this thief was in fact quite charming, and so many girls swooned over him. Unfortunately, this thief had no interest in any of these girls and just used his charms to steal their jewelry.

This is the story of how these two boys ruined everything. Yes, everything.

It started with the prince, Dexter Charming, getting a detention. Normally he was a top student, the kind to never break any rules, study hard each night, get good grades and smile at his teachers. What a nerd, right? Well, today was different. Today everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong, resulting in Dexter getting his first ever lunchtime detention.

First, he slept in. For some reason his alarm went off and his roommate Hunter didn't wake him up. Either Hunter had gotten up extra early to go see his girlfriend while Dexter slept, or his was just a jerk who didn't think Dexter needed to be woken up. It was probably the former, though Dexter would never know.

In his rush to get ready for class on time, the prince walked a little too fast on his way to his locker. As he rushed, he heard the familiar voice of his crush, Raven Queen. Getting distracted by her for a short moment made him trip over something on the floor he didn't notice before, making him crash straight into, of all the people Dexter had the misfortune of crashing into, Mrs. Her Majesty The White Queen.

Naturally, The White Queen took this opportunity lecture the poor prince on proper etiquette, knowing full well she was wasting his time and making him later and later for class. She took delight in almost letting him get away to go to class, only to stop him and continue chewing him out for bumping into her. And Dexter, being the obedient boy he was, just had to sit there and put up with it, even though he knew his first class was Science and Sorcery with Rumpelstiltskin, who was not going to be happy about him being late, despite it being The White Queen's fault.

When Dexter finally managed to get to class, he was well over fifteen minutes late. When he walked in, he tried apologizing profusely to his professor, though he knew it wasn't going to do him any good. Just as predicted, Rumpelstiltskin gleefully gave the prince a lunchtime detention, leaving him to walk to his seat as the other students all said a long "ooooo Dexter's in trouble~", only humiliating him further.

Sparrow Hood smirked as he watched Dexter sit down. As usual, he'd gotten a detention for the same reason the prince did, and was just planning on skipping it. But now that he knew good boy Dexter was going, he decided that maybe going this time was a good idea. He could use a laugh, and making fun of Dexter as he spun gold sounded hilarious to him.

Actually, that was a complete lie. The truth was that the thief had a massive crush on Dexter Charming, and was eager to take any chance to spend more time with him. He didn't actually expect anything romantic to come from being around him, since he knew about Dexter's hopeless crush on Raven, and hadn't actually admitted that he liked boys to anyone, but Sparrow still felt happier when he was around Dexter. For the first time, Sparrow was actually looking forward to detention.

I suppose in hindsight you could call Sparrow an idiot.

When the boys both got to detention, the prince looked utterly miserable while the thief had a smile on his face. Though their expressions reversed when they saw that Raven Queen was also joining them in detention. As well as Hopper Croakington II, but neither of them cared about him. Rumpelstiltskin did his usual speech to the students in detention, the sounds of his laughter heard by all of the students in the room as he left them all to spin gold.

Sparrow made a point to sit right between Raven and Dexter, as he most definitely did not approve of Dexter's crush on the evil queen. Not just because he was in like with Dexter, but also because Raven was _evil_. If Dexter liked anyone else, Sparrow would probably still be upset about it, but he'd get over it eventually. This was different. The next Robin Hood was really worried that Raven was just using Dexter for some evil scheme, and wished Dexter would just stop fawning over her.

_Actually, you know what?_ Sparrow thought to himself, _I'm gonna do something about this besides not-so-subtly cockblocking him. I'm gonna talk to him about it._

"Hey nerd," Sparrow said to Dexter, lowering his voice so Raven couldn't hear. Dexter rolled his eyes at the outdated insult, but listened in anyway. "What's with the goo goo eyes at Raven? She's bad news, bro, you should really stay away from her before she poisons you and eats you up or something."

The prince stifled a laugh, "Don't be ridiculous, she's not really like that, they're all just rumors." He sounded confident, and Sparrow wanted to believe him, but after all the evil things he'd seen Raven do, he just wasn't sure.

"I'm serious," Sparrow continued, "She's not worth the trouble, trust me."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Dexter asked, a little irritated now, "What would you know?"

"Oh come on, don't be an idiot," the thief said, matching his annoyed tone, "Everybody knows she's evil. I told you about the time she wrecked my guitar! I just think you should watch your back."

"Maybe you should mind your own business," Dexter said, adjusting his glasses.

"Well maybe you should stop being such a nerd!" Sparrow said, raising his voice. And from then on all intelligence was out the window and the both of them devolved into an incredibly petty argument that just served to make the both of them angrier at each other. It was stupid.

Hopper just concentrated on spinning gold, not that anybody in the room was paying attention to him anyway. Raven, on the other hand, was very irritated by the boys' squabbling. She tried just calling out to them to tell them to be quiet and grow up, but they were both too invested in their fight to listen to her. So she stood up and used magic to get them to shut up, expecting it to turn out just like Legacy Day, where she froze everyone for a few moments.

But it went horribly wrong.

Somehow Raven's spell misfired and bounced off of Hopper's spinning wheel to the roof, the floor and finally back to Raven herself, freezing her in place. This did manage to achieve it's goal of getting Dexter and Sparrow to stop bickering, as they were too horrified at the sight of Raven's still body, sill wearing the annoyed expression from when she cast the spell.

"R-Raven?" Dexter said, his expression grim. All three of the boys stared at her, clueless at what to do. Raven's magic was mysterious and alien to them, they had no idea how to reverse the spell. Raven would know how to do it, but she was no help now. "Oh my godmother, what do we do?"

Sparrow stayed silent, feeling guilty as hell. Sure, Raven was evil, but she didn't deserve this to happen to her, and it kind of was all his fault. He was the one who started a stupid argument with Dexter, and now look what it had led to.

It was then Hopper spoke up, looking at Dexter, "M-maybe you should kiss her." But before Sparrow could voice his objections to the idea, the frog prince continued, "Like, you're a prince, this is kind of like Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella, maybe if you kiss her, she'll wake up!"

Sparrow grumbled as Dexter nodded, they both had to agree that what Hopper was saying made sense. Dexter blushed, "W-well, doesn't that have to be a true love's kiss? I don't love Raven," he mumbled.  
"Yes you do you dirty liar," Hopper and Sparrow both said at the same time.

"Fine, fine," Dexter said, embarrassed to the max, "i-it can't hurt to try."

Sparrow sighed, frowning as Dexter stepped closer to kiss Raven. He wasn't going to deny it, he was incredibly jealous. But it wasn't as if Dexter would ever be interested in him anyway, he knew that. Maybe it was better this way, having Dexter end up with Raven so he can stop kidding himself and leave the prince alone.

Dexter placed his hands on Raven's shoulders, awkwardly wondering if Raven actually knew what was going on or not. Surely she wouldn't mind him kissing her just this once to save her life, right? Knowing he'd stalled for long enough, he leaned in to place his lips against hers, hoping with all his might that this would help her.

He pulled away from her, letting go of her shoulders. All three boys stared at Raven expectantly as she began to move again, closing her eyes. She seemed different somehow, but none of them could put their fingers on what had changed.

"Raven?" Dexter spoke up, "How do you feel?"

An uncharacteristic smirk appeared on Raven's face, making her look like the evil girl everyone thought she was. She opened her eyes wide, her pupils were dilated and the colour of her irises looked duller. "I feel," she said with a laugh, grabbing onto Dexter's shirt, "_hungry_."


	2. Electric Boogaloo

**How Dexter and Sparrow Ruined Everything**

**Chapter 2: Electric Boogaloo**

"Watch out!" Hopper shouted, shoving Dexter aside. As he did, Dexter fell to the floor, looking up in terror as his crush sunk her teeth into the frog prince's arm, tearing flesh straight from his bone. "H-holy shit," Dexter said, utterly horrified. The prince, being the proper gentlemen that he was, rarely ever swore, but here he was in such a state of terror that it seemed like the only appropriate thing to say.

Hopper screamed in pain, dropping to the floor. Raven had a sadistic look on her face, and both Sparrow and Dexter were deathly afriad of being her next victim. She'd turned in to a cannibalistic monster, very unlike the Raven they knew before. They didn't have time to stick around and ask her what had happened, they had to get out of there _now_.

Leaving poor Hopper behind, Sparrow grabbing Dexter by the arm to pull him out of the detention room, hoping maybe Raven would be too preoccupied with Hopper to follow them. "We've gotta get out of here," he said to Dexter, "This is just like all those zombie movies, if we don't leave now the whole school will be full of zombies and we'll have to fight our way out!"

Dexter nodded, following Sparrow at a brisk pace. He'd seen zombie movies, he knew this was just how they worked. Since they'd left Hopper and Raven alive, they were probably going to leave the detention room eventually and infect more people. "We... we have to figure out a way to like, reverse the zombie curse or something. Maybe go back in time or... I don't know," Dexter said, trying to come up with ideas.

"Yeah," Sparrow agreed, moving up the stairs toward the dorm rooms. His plan was to grab a few things he thought were important and get out of there with Dexter. At the time, he didn't really think about anyone else, the only people he cared about saving in that moment was himself and Dexter. "Normal Raven is evil enough, zombie Raven is just plain terrifying. But I don't want to kill her, or anyone else, like in the movies. We live in a world of magic, there's probably another way."

It never occurred to the boys to go to the authorities for help, they'd immediately assumed that this was going to be a full on apocalypse in a matter of moments and instead of trying to prevent it, they just choose to save their own asses, forgetting anybody else. This is why teenage boys who only make plans for a zombie outbreak with facts based from movies, comic books and video games are trash.

Sparrow opened the door to his dorm, quickly said to his roommate, "The zombie apocalypse has started, you know what to do." The other boy nodded, taking his own readymade zombie kit and jumped out the window. Maybe one day Sparrow would see him again.

He immediately moved to shove whatever looked useful into his backpack, grabbing his guitar to follow Dexter as he did the same with his own stuff. "Ready?" Sparrow asked Dexter once he'd gotten his stuff together, looking him in the eye with concern. They both knew that this situation was going to get serious soon, and while they weren't the best of friends, they'd have to stick together in order to get through this. The prince felt a little embarrassed at how close their faces were together, and how serious Sparrow was being, though he nodded nonetheless. Right on cue, they heard a high pitched scream from the other side of the school and were immediately on the move to get out of there.

A few people noticed the boys quickly leaving, finding it suspicious. Which was fair, as this whole situation kinda was all their fault. But nobody had the time to stop them, they were all rushing over to where the scream had come from while they slipped out unnoticed.

"Okay," Dexter said, adjusting his glasses as he and Sparrow began to walk through the forest, "So I guess we'll just keep walking until we find a witch, then?"

Sparrow nodded, "Yeah, I guess. How long do you think it'll take?"

The prince frowned, considering the question carefully, "Hm, I don't know. Hansel and Gretel found a witch by wandering in the woods, it can't be that hard, can it?"

Sparrow cringed, suddenly questioning if this was really a good idea, "Didn't she try to eat them?"

But instead of coming up with other options for how to resolve this situation, Dexter just brushed off his concerns, entirely set on the idea of finding a witch to help them. "It'll be fine. Geez, Sparrow, I didn't take you for a scaredy cat."

"Whatever nerd," Sparrow said, offended to the max, "At least I'm not... well, a nerd!"

Dexter just rolled his eyes, though Sparrow kept going, wanting a better reaction that that.

"Heh, you're such a nerd, I bet," he said, Dexter already annoyed before he even finished, "You've never even been kissed."

Dexter gave Sparrow a confused look, before Sparrow added, "I mean other than Raven. She doesn't count because you turned her into a zombie."

Even still, Dexter laughed. "Well, I'm sorry to break it to you Sparrow, but I'm not as unpopular as you think. I've kissed lots of people, even gotten to third base."

"Aw, with who?" Sparrow said, disappointment clear in his tone. _He_ wanted to be the first to go that far with Dexter. Of course, he didn't want Dexter to know that, so he quickly coughed and put back on his cool expression. "I mean, what loser would wanna get to third base with you?"

"Not telling," Dexter said in a sing-song voice, amused at Sparrow's curiosity. It was funny to him, seeing him get worked up over something so stupid.

Sparrow crossed his arms, "It's Hopper, isn't it? That slimy little shi-"

But before they could finish their conversation, they spotted a small cottage in the forest. It was a brightly coloured thing, with many flowers surrounding it. "That's it, isn't it?" Sparrow turned to Dexter to ask, "The witch's place?"

Dexter nodded, continuing to walk toward it, "I hope so."

They stepped past the gate and toward the door, Sparrow shoving his hands in his pockets awkwardly as the prince knocked on the door. The rockstar hummed a tune as they both waited for an answer, before spotting something moving in the distance.

"Uh, Dex," he said shakily, as he realized what it was. Dexter just ignored him, knocking on the door again. "Are you sure that witch is in here? Maybe we should just break the door down."

The prince looked back to Sparrow, adjusting his glasses as he did so. "Don't you think that's a little drastic?" He asked, before spotting what Sparrow had. Zombies.

More panicked than before, he knocked on the door again, beginning to call out to ask if anyone was inside. "Help us, hurry!"

One zombie seemed particularly faster than the others, and had made it's way through the front gate already. Sparrow held onto his guitar, hoping he wouldn't have to use it as a weapon. The undead man stumbled further toward them, as Dexter frantically tried kicking down the door. Of course, he was a complete geek, and thus didn't have the strength to accomplish breaking down a door.

The zombie loomed toward Sparrow, and he held out his guitar to defend himself, though the stench of the man was already overwhelming. Dexter tried one more time to kick the door down, but found himself falling to the floor as he did so. Finally, whoever was inside opened the door and let them both inside, slamming it shut before the zombie could follow.

The boys both panted, exhausted from their near-death-experience. When they regained their composure, they both got up off of the floor to turn to their savior. She was an elderly looking woman, wearing all black. So, definitely a witch.

"You're Dexter Charming, aren't you?" She asked, looking at the princely boy. Before he could respond, she turned to Sparrow. "And you're Sparrow Hood, yes? You're the two boys who ruined everything?"

"Wh- hey!" Sparrow said, not appreciating what she was suggesting one bit. She ignored him.

"And now you've come to me, because you want my help fixing everything, yes?"

They nodded, slowly. "How did you know-" Dexter began, but she just waved him off, continuing.

"Well it's simple," She said, "The power of love is the key. You two ruined everything, now you just have to show your love for each other in order to fix it all."

"What," Dexter said flatly. Sparrow frowned, "But he doesn't love me! And I don't love- He doesn't love me! How can we show our love if there's no love?"

"Simple," the witch said, "You _make_ love."

Dexter scratched the back of his neck, "But how do we-" he began, before catching on to how she phrased that sentence. He looked back to Sparrow, who looked just as stunned as he did. "_Oh._"

Sparrow broke the silence that hung over the three of them by laughing an obviously nervous laugh. "W-well, um," he began, before the witch interrupted them once again.

"There is one other thing," She said, taking something out of her sleeve, "You also need to be spiders."

And in a quick movement, the witch threw a magic powder at the two boys, turning them both into spiders.

_Author's Note: I am sorry this took so loooooong. Thanks for the reviews and faves!_


End file.
